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Moving In With Your Girlfriend
Moving in with your girlfriend can be an emotional, physical and financial
challenge. However, if it's the right time for both of you, it can also be heaps
of fun and a great experience.
Things to consider
Some things you might consider when deciding whether or not to move in
together include:
Money
If you are moving out of your parents' home
you need to have a regular income to pay for a range of ongoing costs such as
bond, rent, food and utilities such as gas and electricity. If you haven't had
to pay for these things in the past, it is easy to underestimate how much
everything costs.
Timing
You might decide it's not a good time to move
when you're in the middle of exams or coping with other major stresses.
Relationship Issues
Moving in with your girlfriend
will change the dynamics of a relationship, so it's important that you don't
feel pressured into it and are moving in for the right reasons (e.g. that you
want to share your life with someone, not, for example, because you're sick of
sharing the bathroom with your sister).
Coping with disapproval
Although you might be happy with your decision to move in with your
girlfriend, you might find that your family or friends do not approve. This
might be for a number of reasons, a common one being they might feel that you're
too young to move in together.
Some ways to deal with this situations:
- Try to remember that your family and friends usually have your best
interests at heart.
- Listen to and think about any concerns. Parents and friends are often
speaking from their own experience and might raise some important issues you
might not have thought about.
- Talk about their concerns calmly and honestly. Depending on your parents, it
might help to get them to write down their concerns so you can both go away and
think about them, and discuss them with your girlfriend. Returning to your
parents and addressing their concerns might relieve their fears and help them to
feel it's the right decision for you.
- Talk to someone outside the situation, such as a MensLine counsellor.
- If your family or friends suggest that you don't move in with your
girlfriend because they are worried for your safety or your health, think about
why they are concerned. You might want to talk to a friend or get a second
opinion. If you do decide you don't want to move in with your girlfriend,
remember it is okay to change your mind.
Adjusting to new conditions
Living together changes the dynamics of a relationship as you spend a lot
more time together. While this is generally good, it can also make you a lot
more aware of your differences and each other's annoying habits. If you don't
address them early on in a sensitive way they can really start to eat away at
you and cause a lot of tension in the relationship.
Suggestions for adjusting to living together:
- Talk about your expectations of living together, as they might not always be
the same. This might include expectations about cleaning, having friends over
and money.
- Continue to see friends outside the relationship and take time out for
yourself.
- Make sure you get out of house and do fun things together (other than
shopping). It helps to keep your relationship from feeling routine and getting
into a rut.
- It's important to talk about any issues that come up. If something is
bugging you, there is probably something bugging your girlfriend too.
- Work out how you are going to handle finances. E.g., are you going to divide
costs equally or pay for some things separately?
- It's important that you both have your own space, be it for study or games.
- Work out who's going to do what cleaning around the house, so one person
doesn't end up doing all of it.
- No matter how good your relationship is, there is always potential for
change and, although it might not seem possible, things might not work out. For
this reason it is usually a good idea to keep some savings in
case you need to move out. It might also be a good idea to keep receipts of
purchases (as sharing the costs of large items might lead to disputes if you
separate).
MensLine Australia has professional counsellors available 24 hours a day,
seven days a week, providing confidential and anonymous information and support
for all relationship issues.