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By Admin - Tuesday, February 03, 2009
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Want to share your story?
We at Mensline Australia have been approached by a respected Sydney Morning Herald journalist who is looking to write a feature story about the use of internet porn within relationships – and the potentially destructive effect it can have on relationships.
Has internet porn been an issue for you, your partner or within your relationship?
If so, we’d like to hear from you, as we’re interested in your experiences and most importantly, perspectives. We are working to ensure any resulting article is as balanced and fair as possible, hence we’re asking for your feedback. We will also ensure your complete anonymity surrounding this issue.
If you are interested, or would like to find out more information please contact webmaster@menslineaus.org.au
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By cornerman - Wednesday, February 04, 2009
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Why would internet porn be different from other (porn)media?
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By madmanau - Thursday, April 09, 2009
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I have always had porn internet and others in my relationships, I found it helped me cope with the fact I was same sex attracted but in a straight relationship. It did not bring the relationships undone, that happened on its own.
What it did do was to allow me to explore in relative safety my same sex attractions.
Hope this is of some use
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By Admin - Thursday, April 09, 2009
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Please note that we are no longer seeking people for this project. However, we are leaving this thread open for further posts from anyone who may wish to discuss internet porn addiction and its effects on their relationships.
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By Bushman - Friday, April 24, 2009
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madmanau i too am with you I am in a straight relationship but attracted to the same sex. and porn be it internet or books it is the same and has the same results depending on your partner.
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By preserved killick - Thursday, April 22, 2010
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Would probably check out some porn on the net for stimulation, but too risky with kids and feminist wife using it. The mearest slipup and I would be busted. So no is the answer. No porn here.
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By Frankr - Saturday, October 09, 2010
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I'm 51 now and as I entered adolescence, porn was part of the "blokey" way of life. I worked in engineering and every lunch room had a pile of adult mags as did the washrooms. When I was an adolescent, my dad once said - in front of my mum, "it doesn't matter where your get your appetite as long as you come home to eat". We all had a good laugh at that comment - including mum.
When I got married the first time, a little bit of adult material occasionally helped add some mutual excitement in the bedroom. That marriage failed, not because of porn or sex issues, but because I was not good at reading and meeting my wife's emotional needs in other areas. She wanted dancing and clubs - I preferred to stay at home. I let her go dancing every week while I stayed home to look after the kids - she found somebody more exciting in the clubs and left me for someone else. After getting over the pain we became friends again even though she married again. We had an amicable divorce and property sedttlement and worked well together trying to minimise the impact on our children.
I had a few a few relationships, and came close to considering remarriage, each time there were issues with me feeling my kids were not going to be happy so I ended the relationships (as friends) and kept on searching. I married again about 7 years later to a strongly religious lady who was amazing in all regards except for having a real serious sex aversion (I beleive now that the religeon was a screen to legitimize the sex aversion). There is evidence that leads me to suspect she may be a childhood incest victim. She denied any problem vigorously, getting hurt and angry and blaming me soley for issues in the bedroom. I loved her even without sex, and rather than see her hurt and angry I settled for inimacy on her terms. Thankfully she was desperate to have children and after seven years of marriage and fears that her body clock was running out I only seemed to get lucky at ovulation time. The experience of sex was anything but "normal". My wife was both disgusted by her own body's response to arousal as she was to mine. During the act of lovemaking her mind was elsewhere and as soon as it was over she ran to the shower to scrub herself clean.
The discrete use of Internet porn helped me keep my sanity and gave me an occasional escape in an otherwise hopeless situation. I kept it a secret from her but this played havoc with my conciense and self esteem to the point where I set myself up to be busted.....with the hope that by me going to professional counseling and help, she'd come to realize she needed help too.
It didn't work! She considered looking at porn online as adultery and adultery were legitimate grounds for release from her marriage vows. She wanted out and started telling our friends and family members I had cheated and been unfaithful the entire marriage. Her allegations escalated to asserting I am a porn and sex addict and even telling others I have the profile of a serial rapist and pedofile. We tried couples counselling but again there was complete denial of any fault on her part. These lies were also made to police and an interim AVO was issued against me. I am still in the process of fighting this in the courts and find myself treated as though I'm guilty until proven innocent.
The AVO keeps me out of our family home and denies me access to my 5 year old and 2 year old children.
In closing I have to say that Internet porn can be like dynamite in ripping a relationship apart...but it can also be an aphrodisiac that can help to make a relationship steamy hot...I've experienced both.
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By Dan - Tuesday, September 20, 2011
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Frankr, that is so horrible, what you must have to feel, the utter and complete destruction of your integrity all because you were taking care of your personal sexual desires in the circumstance of your partner being too distant to be able to open herself and her life to you.
Hearing that you now cannot see your children, because of the nature and innocence of being visually attracted to another person (which is not a crime in any sex that you may be), is just another horrible story, no wait, truth, that is added to the hardship of what us males have to endure because of our partners. I too have been with a woman that is similar to the one you have described, we would have sex and she would run straight into the shower, as if being clean was more important than relaxing in the euphoric peace that are 2 people who have just made love. My now ex partner, who is undeniably the worst narcissist that I have ever met, put me through alot of hardship, heart ache, rejection and mental and emotional abuse, simply because she didn't want to attempt to understand herself in more depth than being a skin deep personality. (when one understands how their emotions function, they are able to control how they affect others that may be around them) And when she would tell me to leave the house, because of one of her narcissistic rages, that always seemed to involve me being the one that was hurting her, when it was actually the complete opposite, everytime, I filled that sexual void, that I had with her, by looking at pornography. When she found a nude picture on my computer that I had fallen perverse to in a break up, she now thinks that I am a porn addict. When the fact is we are not. We are males, we are the ones who have to initiate the mating rituals, we initiate the romance and love....and the fun, and when a man decides to fall into a visual attraction online, that it actually harmless compared to the people who initiate more than one relationship at a time. Just remember, one day your children will grow into adults, and when their intelligence births, they will really understand exactly how much of a montser your partner, their mother, was to you, by insulting your every essence because of one small mistake. Hopefully then, you can be "Dad" again, my friend.
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By Harry Peterson - Sunday, May 06, 2012
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I have been married for 25 years and have used porn on the net to relieve my frustration. I feel guilty at times as im pretty sure this is a form of cheating but I enjoy the porn and i have gone 1 step further and been involved with cam2cam sex which i have discovered on social websites.
My wife has had health issues in the past and due to medication she is taking she has no sex drive or any TLC towards me. I often think about having sex with other women and at times I find myself flirting with strangers. I have never physicaly been with another woman. I actualy do love her but iam not in love with her. If that makes sense.
We have a great marriage. Thank You online Porn..!!!!
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By Google - Tuesday, May 08, 2012
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Hi Frankr - it's been a long time since your post so this is not specifically responding to you, but to any others who have a look at this topic.
Beware porn because as Frankr says, while it can have an occasional beneficial impact on your sex life IF - and only if - your partner is pretty liberal and has a healthy attitude to sex, nudity and bodily fluids, most the time is is dynamite that will blow apart your children, family, assets, reputation and bank account. And on each of these counts, your ex will get the majority of the spoils. Read this again, and understand what it means. YOU LOSE IN EACH CASE.
Most porn is very male dominated and shows men treating girls pretty badly and this is crap as far as I'm concerned. I like some pretty raunchy sex on screen and like all the best bits being on display but it's only of interest to me if the woman is enjoying it and a willing and eager participant, Girls, pain and dominance do nothing for me, and watching too much of that sort of action WILL distort YOUR view on what normal sex is, why and when women want it and how to do it with them. If there's unpleasant stuff on the video, would you like some muscle-bound sh1t doing those pretty unpleasant things to YOUR daughter?
More likely, your partner will NOT be happy with you viewing women and girls having sex (this is what they'll think you're doing), especially if you have children in the house. They will think you're comparing THEM with the hot chicks on the screen and what they're doing, and your partner will believe that they have compared badly (which is why you're doing it secretly) and the repercussions will be immediate, severe and you WON'T like them...
But, my reason for responding to this topic is: Frankr talks about his second wife's attitude to sex, and her general aversion to it. He talks about religion begin a likely smoke-screen for the real reasons for her lack of participation and interest. Whatever the reason, we men think an active and healthy sex life is CRITICAL to your happiness and overall relationship health.
DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES EVER THINK THAT YOUR PARTNERS ATTITUDE TO SEX WILL IMPROVE IF IT STARTS OFF BADLY. Women are much more likely to have had awful things happen to them by men and this often gives rise to strange attitudes to sex and in extreme cases - like Frankr's - a complete aversion to it. If you're ever faced with this, WALK AWAY. Take the pain then and there and LEAVE.
Most of us have times that our sex-life dries up in a relationship, if it doesn't come back pretty soon or have a good reason for being neglected, then accept it or LEAVE because it's not likely to come back.
The experience that Frankr describes should ring alarm bells really fcuking loudly if anyone ever has that situation again. It's a key and critical part of a relationship and it's one of the few things that sets your relationship with your partner ENTIRELY apart from the relationship either of you has with anyone else - friends, family, colleagues, exes etc - if it's already broken, it's not going to get any better. One gone, it rarely comes back.
Make sure you understand what rarely means...
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