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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Thursday, February 11, 2010
Posts: 1,
Visits: 0
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Hi guys,
I have been in relationship for 4 years and now been engaged for 6 months with the wedding in 10 months.
My partner has a beautiful heart and we are best friends but she is an angry person too. Her parents are both bitter people who have anger issues and she has got it from living in that environment.
I am a very laid back and patient person so even the anger was an issue in our relationship (a lot of one sided arguments with her yelling and me sitting there either not talking or in shock with the abusive words like im pathetic or fat or loser) then afterwards she would apoligise and we would move on.
However over time she would get more angry and also do stuff in public that most people would deem inapropriate (yelling at me in front of people, or making negative comments to me in front of other, which deeply embarrased me) and I would never retaliate for fear of an arguement in front of people, which resulted in my mates and people in my life thinking I was whipped. which I HATE!
anyway so time goes on, she gets better for periods then worse, like a roller coaster, and now our arguements are so instense that she hits me, im talking like she hits me with so much anger that it hurts and I will never hit back so I just sit there and take it and wait for to calm down.
this has happend about 10 times now and ive fed up. I love her but I dont know what to do, the hitting must stop, the yelling and the anger and I dont deserve it. IM not perfect but I certainly dont start our arguements, im a nice guy and im thinking of walking away. shes too strong for me and I always get the blame for everything. Even when I open up and tell her that ive had enough and she has to deal with her problems, she will then blame me for it and never take responsibility.
what do I do? I want to help her and make it work or am I just fighting a losing battle??
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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Saturday, August 01, 2009
Posts: 22,
Visits: 0
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its not widely publisised but there are women who abuse men
you have got the warning
you need to do something now
you need to put your wedding on hold until she gets councelling to control her anger
and resolve her underlying conflicts
or end the relationship - its that serious
many men get traped in an abusive relationship
getting married to her will only trap you until she resolves her anger
she has no right to hit you
get professional help
it's time to say - no violance
no intimidation
to continue being abused would be so harmful to you.
you may already be partly traumatised and need councelling
domestic violance is not acceptable
read the material
men - say no to your girlfriend or fiance or wife's violance.
no excuses
Nathan
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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Posts: 4,
Visits: 9
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I've been in a very similar situtation. Out of control anger which inevitable leads to physical violence. I'm a patient and tolerant person. She's always ready to explode with anger.
I'm still in the relationship, but unfortunately the violence is still there however at a much much less rate.
Still unacceptable though.
My wife went to counselling which helped to an extent. But, the violence is still there at times.
If you're like me, it would be great to just walk out and be done with her.
Also, whilst the hitting has stopped a great deal, her emotional abuse has instead increased. The manipulation she plays on my mind is something I am only now starting to recognise (after 5 years of marriage).
I'm sorry I don't have the help you may be seeking. But you are not alone mate.
Truth is that if the violence does not stop you ought to leave. A new life awaits. It's a distressing thought but one you may have to come to terms with.
Certainly a thought I'm coming to terms with.
Edited: Wednesday, February 17, 2010 by
Fambat
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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Friday, February 10, 2012
Posts: 39,
Visits: 148
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There is a tip-sheet on this website about these issues that may help. It's on the left under Improving Relationships ->Are you experiencing family violence? I hope you find it somewhat helpful.
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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Monday, April 19, 2010
Posts: 2,
Visits: 0
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Mate, I feel for you but there are some decisive decisions to be made...
I have had a similar relationship when i married a single mum with two children. The best course of action is to discuss with her the importance of the relationship to you, but your enjoyment/quality of life over the long run is the most important factor.
Back yourself, and if she is not willing to accept that she has a problem, and seek appropriate help, then you have your trigger to get on with your life. It will not end otherwise and then you will get into poor self worth territory. Scratching post for past issues that are not your doing is not your burden, otherwise she would value you and fix the underlying cause.
Be strong.
If she is not willing to confront her "demons" from her past (obviously you are a caring bloke otherwise you would not have sought help), or address her anger issues toward yoyou cannot predict nor u and show you common decency and reasonable not think it is a failing on your behalf at all, respect, then i firmly believe you have your answer. Do
Pain is only weakness leaving your body...
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