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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Posts: 1,
Visits: 0
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Sorry its long but I need to get it off my chest !!!
I have been married to my husband for nearly 17 years and have been with him since I left school at 16 years of age.
As the years have gone by I see so many problems that have spiralled out of control and I now no longer know what to do and feel emotionally beaten down.
Of recent years I am made to feel guilty for going out or away any where without him and when I either call him or he calls me I am made to feel bad purely through the tone of his voice. If I am late home or late for anything I am questioned and then made to feel terrible through the way he speaks and the look he has on his face. If anything disrupts his weekly routine he gets annoyed which includes me going next door for a quick catch up with the neighbors and if I get in a little late to cook his dinner I get the same treatment. I have become so self conscious of it all that I will rarely leave home and panic if Im late.
Unfortunately he does not have a life other than me and no longer has any close friends, doesnt call anyone not even his family and totally relies on me to do everything.
I feel he constantly keeps telling me what to do which drives me nuts and has even started asking me what I have had for lunch if I dont take something or if I do have I eaten it.
I must also say he is very short tempered and flies off the handle at the most stupid things but this is not directed at me. A quick scenario is he cant the clothes drier started so will start swearing and smash it out of frustration. I find he manners quite rude in the way he speaks to people through to the way he will barge past people in the supermarket aisle without a mere excuse me. I find him best buddies with people at work one day and then cursing and calling them idiots the nest. Rarely does he think he is wrong and is very strong opinionated hating to be challenged. We have to be early everywhere we go and I dare not keep him waiting as he will start to hover over what I am doing. I find he has no tolerance or sense of humor anymore and becomes defensive very easily.
Recently he has been diagnosed with diabetes and quit smoking so I have no doubt this has taken its toll on him but he has become worse than ever.
When I approach him to speak about it he wont and says that he doesnt have a problem. I rarely find him in a good mood and have to be careful of what I say and do. I am not sure if he is suffering from Depression or possibly a mild case of bipolar but I no longer know what to do and feel if I leave it would be worse.
He always has to buy things out of our means which an example being a brand new motor bike which mind you he has never been interested in before only got it because a guy he worked with did yet they are no longer friends. So this bike that ended up double the price of the one he initially looked at sits in the shed unused and had to be added to the mortgage to be paid for.
I will stress he is a good man and not abusive and gives me everything he can financially which at the end of the day means nothing.
Hoping someone out there can offer some advice as I dont know what to do anymore.
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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Thursday, February 03, 2011
Posts: 2,
Visits: 0
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Hey there, I really feel for you. I know what your going through.
Have you tried couselling? Even just for yourself to begin with? Then perhaps ask him to come along for your support and be open during your session as he really may not understand how you feel at all.
We arent mind readers, and unless we communicate and tell things like they are to our partners we really dont know what they're thinking.
Perhaps he fears you want someone else because of his own insecurities...is he depressed? Its hard for men to seek help yet admit they have a problem...or to accept they have been told they have a problem.
Try the counselling....hope it works out for you.
L.
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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 3 hours ago
Posts: 130,
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Does he have any family he gets on well with that you could talk to - see if they can intervene on your behalf?
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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Thursday, January 05, 2012
Posts: 1,
Visits: 5
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HiI'm in a similar but different situation. My husband was very 'loving' till late last year. I've come to realise that it is in response to me taking a stand against his expressed demands - I went back to FT work for the first time in 13 years early last year. His behaviour has become as your described your husband's. I started reading into the area of emotional abuse (Marti Loring, Patricia Evans and David Royse have been useful) and realised that he is now overtly verbally abusing me. Call it verbal abuse or emotional or psychological, it is all in the same arena. It's taken me a while to accept that this could be happening to me. All to bizarre but like you, I get stressed if I'm running late home from work or like now, late home from my parents'. As I've only just made the connection with the label, I'm still learning to work through the issues. I've started to see a counsellor who also identified the similar issues of control and abuse. If you can, do get help by seeing a counsellor sooner than later. It will only get worse and don't let him get so abusive that he becomes violent cos then your options become very limited. I think I may have left it too late but it took me a while to realise that this is not normal and to wake up from the paralysis of doing nothing. Once my issues were validated by experts (I rang lots of helplines, etc), it helped me to start acting. |