Anger is a basic human emotion and feeling angry is OK. It is how we respond to and express that anger that can cause problems.
Expressing anger in an abusive, violent or negative way is unacceptable. Rather than trying to suppress the anger, we need to learn how to manage it in a way that acknowledges the feeling while not harming anyone else.
If you answered ‘yes’ to any of the questions, here are some initial ideas to help take the strength out of anger.
Calling MensLine Australia to talk can be good place to start. We can provide you with specialised tools and information for you and your situation.
In order to control your anger, you first need to be able to recognise the signs that you are getting angry:
These physical signs are all indications that your body is preparing for ‘fight or flight’, our primitive response to threat. Once you recognise that you are getting angry, you have the opportunity to do something to diffuse the situation before it gets out of control. Here are some techniques you can try.
Stepping away from a situation when you are starting to feel angry gives you space to think clearly and calm down. If things are starting to get heated, try saying to the other person something like, ‘Listen, I think I need to take a break for a bit. I’ll come back and we can sort this out in half an hour’.
Slowing and deepening your breath can help diffuse the anger. Try taking five long, slow breaths. Focus on relaxing the muscles in your arms and face.
Self-talk has the ability to influence whether you get more or less angry in an exchange.Saying things to yourself like, ‘This person is an idiot!’ or ‘How dare she talk to me like that?’ is likely to increase your feelings of anger. Instead, try calming self-statements such as:
While these anger management techniques can help you calm down in a crisis, they don’t address the causes of excessive anger. Conflict is inevitable in relationships, but this doesn’t mean that every disagreement needs to lead to an angry fight.
Anger can be the result of built up, unresolved distress, or it may be masking underlying emotions such as sadness. Learning relaxation skills can help you release the physical tension in the body which can contribute to anger problems.
Some anger problems are related to underlying belief systems about how the world ‘should’ be. If you have a belief that the world should conform to your expectations, you may experience a lot of frustration and anger when it doesn’t.